Ehh, what’s up doc?

Ehh, what’s up doc?

Good question. I’ve had zero time for writing, the sequel to my book is on pause, etc.

So my question is, “God, what would you have me do writing wise? You created me with the urge and desire to write? What will it be, Lord?”

Writing a novel is an emotionally and physically draining task for me or labor of love rather. I put so much of myself into it, into the characters, and I currently don’t have the strength to give the sequel to my firstborn book baby what it deserves.

I’m the solo mom (only involved parent/not a co-parent) of a son on the autism spectrum (ASD), and we are homeschoolers of the unschooling persuasion. My son turned 16 recently, and apparently according to other ASD moms, the 16th year was one of the toughest years with their ASD kiddos.

Hormones + ASD = Hell on earth for the child and the parent(s) 

I’ve recently experienced exhaustion levels I felt I’d die from, begged God to rapture us on numerous occasions to relieve our suffering, ugly cried for days on end into my pillow, forgot to wash said pillow many times, didn’t care, too tired.

So what to blog? It’s something I am prayerfully seeking God about because I miss writing so much but don’t have it in me to write my next novel quite yet.

Topics I am prayerfully contemplating – parenting an ASD kid as a solo mom, the praying life, suffering and faith (so exciting, right?), depression, OCD, trying to parent an ASD kid alone with health issues of my own, the Spirit-filled life, and sprinklings on writing as God leads me (especially in regards to it as an unquenchable calling He Himself placed in those whom He’s called to write).

Happy to have written a little something today. 🙂

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No greater love

I love these words of Jesus. He truly laid His life down for all to be given the choice to be reconciled to the Father. A life He raised up again on the third day, so we too can be raised up to a new life in Him if we so choose to accept His most wonderful gift.

My path with Jesus leads me to once again lay down my desires and what I want to be the time line for my dreams regarding writing and finishing my second book. The Lord blessed me with a son on the spectrum. He has Asperger’s, and without revealing any more than that, he is suffering greatly. And when our children suffer, we suffer with them. I am still not 100% healed from fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, still struggle with pain and severe exhaustion, and it takes all of me to work my part-time job and raise and give my son the care and attention he needs now. I have no regrets and will never blame him in any way for these delays but count it an honor. I know that’s why the Lord gave Him to me. He knew I’d always be willing to “lay down my life and desires” as needed to do what is needed for my son and whatever else He asks of me.

My main ministry is motherhood and has been from the moment I held my son in my arms, and the care of my son may be extended because of his needs and health issues, but I will seek the Lord fervently through prayer and fasting for direction as to how I can best help my son be a loving and God-loving, independent adult.

Book 2 will be completed at snails pace with no idea of its release date.

God bless, and this single momma covets any ‘in Jesus’ name’ fervent prayers for my son and myself – healing all around, provision, and strength as we are making it through one day at a time.

“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” – Matthew 16:24

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

Remember Jesus this Holy week and this Easter Sunday.

My favorite Third Day song, You are so good to me:

Extra money working from home. MUST love children and have a Bachelor’s degree….

Hello friends,

I just got hired as an independent contractor for VIPKid teaching children in Beijing, China English. I opened up my schedule and the first week and have already booked and taught several classes (25 minutes each) and have several more next week. Average pay is about 14 to 22/hr (rate if two classes are taught). So $7 to $11 per 25 minute class).

Basic info:

You MUST love working with children (ages 5-12). You’d be a teacher, dealing with children’s hearts, confidence, etc. Not a job for a person solely looking for extra income. These children are precious and great to work with.

Have a Bachelor’s degree.

Must go through an interview process, including teaching two mock classes to demonstrate your potential.

Be able to work at least 7.5 hours during peak Beijing teaching times. (All in Eastern time, M-F 5am to 9am, then Fridays night from 8pm to midnight. Saturdays from midnight to 9am, then Saturday night from 8pm to midnight. Finally, Sundays from midnight to 9am). So, not a job for those who don’t like waking up early, but if you want to work on the weekends overnight, that’s an option.

You’d be an independent contractor, so you only get paid if you teach.

Must be able to be silly at times. e.g. using puppets and other props to teach ESL style English classes, singing children’s songs, etc.

Must have good internet speed.

To learn more and possibly apply, check it out here: VIPKid 

As a follower of Jesus who struggles with depression and OCD.

I believe depression and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) are part genetic – present but may or may not be genetically “switched on (think epigenetics)” unless the sufferer was raised in a certain environment (trigger) and partly a spiritual battle – “powers of darkness” playing on our weaknesses,  kicking us when we are down, perpetuating our suffering, hoping to use it to annihilate us altogether.

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” (Ephesian 6:12).

(Sometimes, there are dominant genetic conditions that present themselves of course and cause these issues to manifest, but that’s not my area of expertise).

I believe the abusive environment I grew up in and the abuse I endured at the hand of my ex-husband, changed my brain chemically and affected its wiring. Spending years in fight or flight mode will do that to a child who expects to feel safe in her own home, but instead lived under constant fear and instability. The trauma of it all damaged my health in severe ways and still has a great affect on me.

With God’s help though, I am able to get through it, but it isn’t always easy. Many times over the years, I’ve felt exactly like Elijah – a great prophet whom God used to do many miracles. “He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life” (1 Kings 19:4).

Or I’ve relapsed with some OCD issues, making myself half sick checking and re-checking stuff until I’m completely nauseated and dizzy and have given myself a headache. The trigger usually being around toxic people, family member that I’ve ultimately had to cut off to stay sane.

But all the dark valleys I’ve traveled though has turned me into a warrior. I see that I have made it through. I see that many around me have tried to do me in. I see I’m in a battle. So I have learned to fight. When my only prayers are my tears, God gives me enough strength for another day. When I can only cry out, “Help me!” God shows up.

There’s no shame in struggling. God loves me. Doesn’t fault me as having weak faith. I’m His child. I see my son suffering from OCD issues. Worse than I did. He spent several years of his life, us living with family members, no other choice, even with me working full time. And probably being around my issues didn’t help (as much as I tried to shield him from them). I’m glad I’m aware of his issues because we are battling it together.

It’s hard seeing my son need to become a warrior in this world and at such a young age, but it is so necessary for so many reasons. One has to be blind to not be able to see the encroaching darkness in this world. In order to stay in the Light, in order to survive, we must learn fight. Spiritually. Fight like our lives depend on it. And it does.

I must teach my son to fight. To use the authority God gave him to overcome. To learn to never utter, “I will never get better. I will never get over this OCD thing.” *fallen angels applaud* To never make our issues our identity so we are utterly consumed.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

The greatest lie the devil ever convinced anyone of is that he doesn’t exist.

Today, I feel joy, and I praise God! Today, I haven’t 1000 times checked anything. Today my son is having a much better day in dealing with the OCD stuff – same brand as mind – “checking and repetitive”. His prayer warrior mother will not relent in her prayers for him. We are working through it as a family. He knows he is loved. He will overcome just as I have overcome so much, so many times and with God’s help. He’s not in this battle alone.

Be afraid darkness. Be very afraid.

Many times when I’ve been in a dark place, God has used a song, most often a song not intended to be a Christian one. This is one of my favorite songs. A song dedicated to those who struggle with broken brain chemistry and wiring (depression and OCD, etc. etc.).

You gotta just gotta hear this. Remember who you are and Whose you are. “Sound The Bugle” by Bryan Adams.

A prayer for sufferers of mental disorders:

Lord, I bring these mighty warriors before You. These broken ones of Yours. God You have not given them a “spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Bring peace where there’s a storm. Bring freedom where there’s torment and chains. Loose them from the bondage of the slavery from those strongholds in their minds. Heal them and make them whole. Help them to “surely forget their trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.”  Strengthen them for battle. The battle to reclaim the territory stolen in their minds. Forbid the enemy to play on their weaknesses and teach them to make war in them, to pray, and never give up. Remind them who they are and whose they are in Jesus’ all powerful name, amen.

 

Important weapons – The Armor of God – Ephesians 6:10-17

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Gratitude Despite Delayed Dreams (And Pretty Much Nothing Going My Way)…

what is in your hands

We all go through mountain times – the high and happy times – and the dark valley times – the I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this one, God, times.

It’s been a rough year with my health and finances, but I’m not homeless, my son is with me, and we are okay. Gratitude. And I know God is with us through this valley time. He’s been faithful to bring me and my son through other hard times, even dangerous ones.

With this NEW reality, new beginning even, as a result of fibromyalgia, inflammatory arthritis, and IBS (Lord, I just want to eat regular food sometimes, please) I had to take inventory of what I have in my hands that God CAN use. Hmm.

“Then the LORD said to him, “What is that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied.” (Exodus 4:2) God took what was in Moses’s hand, a stick really, and he used it to meet his needs.

Words. I have words. My writing and a wealth of wisdom and character gained from going through those hard times. Being humbled opens eyes, creates in us a tender heart of mercy and grace towards others.

Words. I have words, God. You made me good with words. Now what?

My hands don’t always work very well, but in these times, I have access to speech recognition software. Thank You, God for allowing me to be born during a time in history with this type of technology. Gratitude.

Today, though my many attempts at earning income to provide for my little family over the past several few weeks has resulted in roughly $7.00, my heart is so welled up with gratitude because I remember all the times I’ve been here before and made it through unscathed despite how bad it was.

Things. I lost things, but I didn’t lose my family. I know better times are coming. I know things will change for us. They always have.

This little slice in time that we are going through now is not outside of God’s care. He’s in it with us. He’s working behind the scenes. Orchestrating the usual right on time help that will cause me to step back with awe when I see it and simply say, Thank You.

Thank you, God, I surrender everything. Even my love of words. Show me what You’d have me do. Let Your peace lead me. The thing I have in my hands that You can use to meet our needs and to be a help to others.

I’m going to keep plugging away. Doing my part and believe my time spent won’t be in vain but will be fruitful for my little bunch. That God will meet me where I’m at and meet our needs.

 

“My steps are ordered by the Lord.” (Psalm 37:23).

“The Lord will guide me continually.” (Isaiah 58:11)

“You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied And praise the name of the LORD your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; Then My people will never be put to shame.” (Joel 2:26)

“And my God will supply every need.” (Philippians 4:19).

I love You, Lord.